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Daily News Analysis

MH370 landed safely somewhere! But where?

Crescent International

The mystery of the missing Malaysia Airline plane has finally been solved. It did not crash into the sea; it has landed safely as our spooks report from Kabul. This picture of Flight MH370 was taken as it approached Tora Bora on March 8, 2014 before touchdown! Read on.

Kabul, Crescent-online
Wednesday April 23, 2014, 09:13 DST

We have solved the mystery of the missing MH370 Malaysia Airline plane. Abandon the search in the Southern Indian Ocean and save yourselves a lot of dough. The Indian Ocean story was a deliberate diversionary tactic to allow the massive plane—it is six storeys high—to be properly hidden!

Wait for the real facts but first let us consider the latest chatter from the media.

Even Malaysia’s New Strait Times reported today quoting sources close to the international investigation team that investigators are looking at the possibility that the missing jet did not crash into the Indian Ocean. Instead, it landed safely somewhere, but where?

“The thought of it landing somewhere else is not impossible, as we have not found a single debris that could be linked to MH370. However, the possibility of a specific country hiding the plane when more than 20 nations are searching for it, seems absurd,” the sources told the Malaysian newspaper.

No, it is not absurd. Here are the facts as our spooks in Kabul have found. Osama bin Ladin hijacked the plane and is hiding it in Tora Bora! Yes, folks, that is the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.

Here are some supporting facts. Pakistani TV anchor Hamid Mir was shot in Karachi on April 19. While Geo TV network has blamed the Pakistani intelligence agency ISI, this is another of those deliberate diversionary tactics.

It was the CIA that shot him. They did not intend to kill him because Mir is their man, merely to injure him so that he could not go to Tora Bora to meet Osama who had sent him a message to come and see the plane for himself and maybe even interview some of the passengers.

From Karachi, Hamid Mir was to go to Quetta. This has been confirmed; even Geo TV has not denied it. The plan was that he would slip across the border into Afghanistan. Now you might ask, why would he go to Quetta rather than Parachinar that is just across the border from Tora Bora?

Good question but as Sherlock Holmes would say, “Elementary, my dear Watson!”

If Hamid Mir had gone to Parachinar, it would have exposed the plot. Secrecy is of the utmost importance, especially in such matters.

The Americans do not want the truth about Osama hijacking the plane out because it would embarrass President Barack Obama. Did he not make such a song and dance of announcing to the world that Osama had been killed on May 2, 2011, of all places in Abbotabad, Pakistan?

Well that was a complete lie. But Obama looked very uncomfortable telling that lie; he has told many lies before and since, but the one about Osama was so outrageous that he could not tell it with a straight face and look into the camera. He compounded his lie by saying Osama had been buried at sea.

Well, well, Mr Obama, what now? How do you explain Osama hijacking the Malaysia Airline Boeing 777-200 and landing it safely in Tora Bora?

There are many red faces in the Pentagon and at the CIA headquarters in Langley, VA, not to mention the White House. Inside sources tell us that Michelle is not speaking to Barack because he told such a big lie. She wanted to meet that dark (lesser than Obama!) tall handsome Arab and perhaps even dance with him.

Two other pieces of information: now that Hamid Mir cannot go to Tora Bora, Osama has sent word to veteran Pakistani journalist Rahimullah Yusufzai to meet him in Tora Bora. Rahimullah is making preparations to make the trip. He has also asked the new Amir of Jamaat-e Islami, Sirajul Haq and Maulana Diesel (sorry) Fazlur Rahman to accompany him.

Sirajul Haq has agreed but Mullah Diesel is not so sure. Given his bulk, he cannot climb mountains (or even his bed without help!). Besides, there is no money or diesel to steal from Tora Bora. The plane does not use diesel to fly, only kerosene. And in any case, it has already run out of fuel having flown so far away from Kuala Lumpur.

So folks, now you have it. This is the truth about the missing Malaysia Airline plane.

OK, ok, you want to know about the passengers. They are all safe but quite unhappy. They have not had a shower in weeks (there are none at Tora Bora) and the food is terrible, full of sand. They only get stale naan and tea without milk for breakfast, lunch and dinner. Even airline passengers get tired of eating the same stuff every day for six weeks!


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