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Pakistani flood victims, rejoice: the British Queen’s thoughts are with you!

Crescent International

In a message to President Arif Alvi of Pakistan, the British monarch, Queen Elizabeth has expressed sadness at the tragic loss of life in Pakistan.

The Queen’s message was issued by the British High Commission in Islamabad.

Her majesty’s message said: “I am deeply saddened to hear of the tragic loss of life and destruction caused by the floods across Pakistan.”

Expressing deep concern, the British monarch said, “My thoughts are with all those who have been affected, as well as those working in difficult circumstances to support the recovery efforts.”

To be fair, Chinese President Xi Jinping, Saudi King Salman and Indian Prime Minister Narendra Modi also sent messages of sympathy.

But it is the message of her majesty the Queen that is really important.

We would like to explain how this came about.

You see, the Queen is an extremely busy person.

Despite her poor health and onset of old age, which is a real bother, the Queen as head of the Commonwealth has to manage many things simultaneously.

In a secret message sent to Crescent International, Mohtarama Maryam Nawaz has revealed that it was her Abboo who spoke to the Queen.

Of course, they had to have an interpreter to translate Mian Sahib’s words so the Queen could understand what he was saying.

Mian Sahib’s English is rather garbled.

He not only speaks with a heavy Punjabi accent but also mixes up words which the Queen finds difficult to understand.

She apologised for not speaking Punjabi!

What persuaded the Queen to issue a message was when Mian Sahib invited her to have siri paaye and nihari with him.

The Queen was really excited and said that at the first opportunity, she would visit Mian Sahib at his Avenfield apartments to have the delicious Lahori meal.

Maryam Sahiba also revealed in her message that had Imran Khan been the prime minister of Pakistan, the Queen would not have issued such a message.

Imran is always saying bad things about foreign governments like being independent of them and other such nonsense.

It was because of Imran’s insistence on independence that the heavy rains fell and there was such massive flooding.

Maryam Sahiba also rubbished Imran Khan’s telethone in which he raised Rs 5 billion.

She said Abboo, Hassan and Hussain Nawaz and Is’haq Dar have a lot more money in their bank accounts.

It runs into billions of dollars. So, Imran Khan’s 5 billion rupees is mere aloo chholay.

In any case, the value of the rupee is fast depreciating, so even 5 billion rupees will not be able to buy much.

We will find a way to get our hands on these 5 billion rupees before Imran Khan wastes it on buying food or providing shelter to the flood-affected people.

He is only trying to get their votes.

The 33 million people affected by the floods across Pakistan should be grateful to the imported regime of Shehbaz Chacha who is doing such a wonderful job to help people.

Chacha even took a helicopter ride and dropped food bundles to people below.

They should be grateful. Chacha is very busy.

He has to travel to Saudi Arabia, Abu Dhabi, Qatar and so many other places to tell them, we are not asking for money but if you can spare some change, that would be great!

It is this imported regime whose head, Mian Sahib, was able to persuade the Queen to issue a message of sympathy.

When was the last time the British monarch issued a message of sympathy for the people of Pakistan?

It did not happen in 2010 during the last floods.

And I was too young in 2005 to remember what happened during the earthquake.

Besides, I was busy making babies, which is a lot more fun than watching people crushed under their houses.

All I remember is that there was a military dictator in power and he could not get the Queen to issue a message.

Only my Abboo, Mian Sahib, can do such things.

When the Queen visits Pakistan, I will take her to Jaati Umra and show her all my favourite jewellery sets.

She will be really pleased to see so much gold.

The Queen should know that not all Pakistanis are poor.

So there!

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