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Daily News Analysis

British monarch, Queen Elizabeth II, is dead at 96

Crescent International

Prunes, anyone? They are good for keeping you regular.

The Queen is dead. She was 96.

Some would say, including prince and now king Charles, “About time.”

She reigned for 70 years.

Many of us will be lucky to live that long.

Charles has had to wait for decades to become king.

He is already 74. How long will he live?

As soon as news of her death was announced, grief gripped the collective west.

From Canada in the frozen north to down under in Australia, there was much breast-beating.

Reliable sources at Balmoral Castle in Scotland say that Queen Elizabeth complained of two things in recent weeks.

It was cold, and she felt lonely.

Both these problems have now been solved.

Where she is headed is a lot warmer. She would not have to worry about the cold anymore!

She joins her husband Philip, who kicked the bucket last year at the ripe old age of 99.

He just missed a century.

Now the Queen can once again send her Christmas message by saying, “My husband and I” wish you all a merry Christmas.

There were reports from Riyadh that Saudi de facto ruler Muhammad bin Salman (MbS) was so grief-stricken that his thick lower lip started to quiver.

This man with a big belly broke down in tears uncontrollably.

The story from Amman, Jordan was even worse.

King Abdullah II of Jordan wanted to commit suicide.

The palace advisors barely managed to stop him from taking his life.

They advised him that he should go to London to see the Queen (even if she is dead).

Perhaps, the new monarch, King Charles might notice him.

Palace advisors in Jordan are seeking a shoe-maker to provide high-heeled shoes for King Abdullah so that he could look taller than his 4-foot 3 inches height.

Without those high heeled shoes, he could easily get trampled.

Almost all the Arabian dinosaurs are also heading to London to pay homage to the dearly departed Queen and to pledge allegiance to the new king.

During her long reign (some would say way too long), Queen Elizabeth presided over two things:

1: The slaughter of millions of brown and black-skinned people in Asia and Africa by successive regimes in Britain;

2: Huge sex scandals among her family members.

Her late younger sister, Princess Margaret, couldn’t get enough.

She romped around the country and abroad having fun.

Then it was her daughter, Princess Anne’s turn. She too was never satisfied.

Prince (now King) Charles was another philanderer.

The day he was getting married to Diana, he ran off to have a fling with Comilla Parker Bowles (someone would say bowel).

Diana was driven to despair and an untimely death.

What Charles saw in Ms. Bowels is anybody’s guess.

But, as the saying goes, “Beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder.”

Now Charles, as king can have as much fun as he wants.

As loyal subjects, a word of caution is in order for the new monarch.

King Charles III should look over his shoulder lest a Cromwell-type figure emerges.

His predecessor, King Charles I did not have a happy ending.

Losing one’s head on the chopping block can hardly qualify as a pleasant experience!

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